Listen up people: You can call it an “intership,” but it doesn’t change the fact that you want someone to give you something for free.

Here’s a great example from today:

Eco-Friendly Website Looking for Writers (Los Angeles)

Chosen by Time Magazine in 2009 as of the best designed green websites, EcoHomeResource.com provides inspiration and information to help people create and maintain healthy home environments. We are looking for talented and enthusiastic writers for our internship program. We are looking for a minimum 4 month commitment, contributing 2 articles per week, plus minimal data entry to continue to build the green products and services database. You will work primarily from home, so access to a computer and the internet is essential. We have in person meetings usually every 2 weeks or conference calls. There will be an initial orientation/training session. Please send a writing sample and why you think you would be a good fit for the team. This is a non-paying internship, but you will gain valuable experience, good job references and your work will be published and archived on a credible web resource, with author credit. Thank you for your interest!

Author credit!? Halleluah!! After all, as a narcissistic artist I do this solely for the recognition, anyway. And the archiving. Thank you EcoHomeResource.com!! I can’t wait to give you 4 months of work in exchange for “valuable experience” and “good job references.”

You know what? Real jobs offer those things, too, IN ADDITION to money.

Bottom line: There’s no excuse for asking a writer to contribute revenue-generating content to your website for nothing. Furthermore, there’s no excuse for writers — of any experience level — to give away their services for free.

Not to start a rant here, but creatives get taken advantage of in ways other professionals don’t. Can you imagine asking a young accountant to do 4 months of bookkeeping for free? Try posting an “intership” for a car salesman and tell him he doesn’t get any commission … just “valuable experience” and “good job references.” There’s no reason this should sound any less crazy than asking writers to contribute content for free.

The wonder of Google autocomplete! Okay, let’s take a look at these one-by-one:

1) Writers are loners — I can’t speak for all writers, but, in the case of this writer, this might be true. I work best by myself. But, not all writing is done alone. Songwriters collaborate. Screenwriters do, too. Copywriters are probably the lone wolves of the writing world.

2) Writers are born not made — I think people either write well or they don’t. And I’m not sure this is a skill that can be taught. People who are not born writers can, if they are so inclined, learn the basics and get along just fine. Those who are not ’so inclined’ exist solely to generate work for copy editors.

3) Writers are introverts — No we aren’t. Leave me alone.

4) Writers aren’t exactly people — People who type this into Google aren’t exactly people.

5) Writers are depressed — Many writers – some of the most famous ones – were depressed. Perhaps they wrote to explain and, hopefully, escape their depression. Some of the world’s greatest art has been inspired by the pain of the human condition. My depression is, conversely, caused by having to write "compelling" web copy for 42 different colors of the same table lamp.

6) Writers are the engineers of the [human] soul — The phrase was coined by Russian novelist Yuri Olesha and adopted by Joseph Stalin. Apparently it’s all the rage in China right now.

7) Writers are readers — The good ones are. Additionally, speakers should be listeners; takers should take turns being givers; and lovers should never be haters.

Writers are born — (see #2)

9) Writers arena — Meet other writers who are lonely, introverted, depressed, not-exactly-people just like you!!!

Take this hilarious drummer that’s making some fierce rounds on the Internet this week. You know, the one playing Sharp Dressed Man with the cover band (Rick K. and the Allnighters) dressed in matching gold sequin jackets. Once you suffer through the front man’s painful introduction, you are treated to a smorgasbord of stick twirling, arm flailing, and popping-and-locking; all — literally — without missing a beat.

The video caught fire just recently, and it’s found its way into millions of Facebook pages, blogs, and tweets. But, check the date of the video … the performance is almost two years old.

So why now?

I suppose this is a Tipping Point sort of thing. This video probably got passed around among people who know the band for a few months after it was first posted. Like a ripple on the water, it slowly, steadily spreads outward to more and more people. One day, my buddy posts it on his Facebook page. I die laughing and repost it to my page. The next day, Pete Yorn tweets it. The rest is history.

One of the many YouTube channels that has the video is approaching 500,000 hits. Not bad, and that should grow in the next few weeks.

I checked this drummer out, and his name is Steve Moore (www.maddrummerinc.com and myspace.com/stevemooreofficial). He looks like the real deal, and his playing is solid. Truth be told, if I had to play Sharp Dressed Man 200 times a year, I would need to find some way to make the experience tolerable. I guess doing the Robot works for Steve.

In any case, I love taking a closer look at some of the memes that fly by on the interwebs. Perhaps I’ll make it a regular feature here.

For now, y’all do what you have to do to get through another Thursday. I suggest the Robot, as long as no one is looking.

As frustrating as these are, none is more annoying than using “loose” in place of “lose.” For example: “If I don’t get some help for my addiction to xbox, I’m probably going to loose my house.” It’s widely done, and not ridiculed nearly enough.

Next time I see this I might just loose it.

Oddball and slapstick humor are great, but true brilliance lies in finding the deeper humor in the everyday.

This piece cracked me up, and hit close to home. As a copywriter, this is what I’m up against. Better work on my bullet points.

http://onion.com/9i6vnT

Phew!

Well, turns out I’m not missing much, and I really could have done without the grammar song that was posted today at nationalgrammarday.com. “Grammar is the bomb!” Is it? Is it really?

Apparently this is what happens when you give librarians access to a drum machine and a recording studio.

In any case, I do appreciate that someone’s out there running PR for ol’ grammar. If they are hoping for this video to go viral, I would bet against it. And if it does, it won’t be for the right reasons.

Well aren’t I a grinch! Enjoy the video, march forth, and have a wonderful National Grammar Day.

That’s a lot of alliteration, no?

If I were to come across a paragraph like the one above, I would most certainly groan. Alliteration quickly loses its charm and becomes a distraction. There’s a fine line between putting a little polish on your prose and heavy-handedly heaping on hideous helpings of hackery.

As with any literary device, a little goes a long way. At times, I find myself using alliteration (and his less-popular cousin assonance) simply to amuse myself. A little wordplay can help me power through a less-than-scintillating project.

But, gimmicky writing will quickly turn off your reader. When a device becomes a distraction it’s time to tone it down. Be sure the focus remains on the story you’re telling, not on the manner in which it’s told.

I love good food. I also love a good bargain. With that in mind, there’s no place quite like Trader Joe’s. I’m a big fan.

But for the moment, nevermind the food. Let’s talk about their periodical, the Fearless Flyer. I would absolutely love to write for this little gem (call me TJ!).

The copy has a distinct personality. And, whether or not the item being described appeals to me, the tone and humor of the writing is always appealing.

TJ’s knows their audience, and it’s clear the Flyer writer(s) loves food, too. In this way, they instantly connect and engage the reader. The enthusiasm about the products is contageous, making it the best kind of sales copy — the kind that doesn’t feel like sales copy.

The Fearless Flyer is at once sophisticated and self-effacing, enthusiastic without being breathy. Trader Joe’s products generally sell themselves, so the Fearless Flyer sells the store as a whole. After flipping through the Flyer, I can’t wait to get down there and try some new stuff.

I dare you to walk into a Trader Joe’s and leave with less than 10 items. Drop me a comment and attach a scanned copy of your receipt if you succeed.

Fearless Flyer: Mission Accomplished.

Last week, Google announced Buzz, its entry into the socia media sphere. I’m not going to get into the details of Buzz; there are plenty of journalists and bloggers out there who already have.

In fact, I’m not particularly excited about Buzz. I don’t have room for another time-waster in my life. Facebook (and urlesque.com) fill that void nicely.

Nevertheless, anytime Google announces something new I get excited. There’s nothing I love more that settling in to watch one of those folksy little videos with the white background. Show me something cool, Google!

Well, Buzz may not be all that nor a bag of chips, but I still got a little charge in anticipation of the press conference. I use Gmail, Docs, Calendar, Reader, etc., plus I’m an Android phone user. Their new product developments often directly affect my experience. It’s a little scary to have some many eggs in one basket, but so far so good. Let’s hope they keep the coolness coming!

Is it just me or did several of the Super Bowl commercials focus on a similar theme: a man’s life is nothing more than hen-pecked drudgery? But, at least you get to drive that muscle car you grew up fantasizing about.

These commercials were a slight departure from the historically popular “man is simple idiot” ads. In these ads, men are clueless idiots easily plied with light beer and pretty girls. I’m not here to argue whether that’s true or not, I’m just saying I don’t plan on buying products from folks who think I’m an idiot.

These commercials are also closely related to the “man is merely a pawn in his wife’s game” ads. There is very little evidence to dispute this thesis, but, again, reminding me of this does not enamor me of your brand.

All I’m saying here, in a nutshell, is that guys deserve a little respect when it comes to advertising. Hey, I know there’s a lot drudgery in my day-to-day life. Some days it seems overwhelming. How about differentiating your brand by inspiring me and pointing out why “it’s all worthwhile.” Just a thought.

I loved the Google study-abroad ad, by the way.